Matt Damon's Body Double

It's a movie called The Informant. It stars Matt Damon and we would like you audition to be his body double.

Now there's a telephone call you just don't expect to get.

Matt Damon's body double! I exclaimed out loud. My wife, who had passed me the phone, heard this - and fell about in hysterics. She pulled herself together sufficiently to run off and tell our flatmates. I understood. Any previous celebrity comparisons have been far less flattering. From Flabio to a fat Russell Crowe.

I was tourist number 40 and felt dead smart in trousers that nearly reached my nipples and braces that held them there

For three years now I've been registered with Universal Extras - a casting agency for movie extras, or as we like to say - background artistes.

It isn't the first audition I've be asked to attend. I might have been a space pirate had it not been for a cruel twist of ginger discrimination. I was not ginger enough.

Classic 50s garb on the set of Stone of Destiny

Director Tim Burton knocked me back thrice in the film Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. The last time was the part of a bishop who gets his throat cut by Johnny Depp. I'm not so upset by missing this.

However luck was on my side for the feature film Stone of Destiny - which stars Robert Carlyle and is out this year. The role basically entailed dressing up in 50s garb and wandering about. I was tourist number 40 and felt dead smart in trousers that nearly reached my nipples and braces that held them there. The evening was spent on the arm of a glamorous Romanian woman. Our job was to cross the road outside Westminster Abbey. Repeatedly. The small talk was tough at times but I did find out she had a small part in a previous film - her hand. That was it. To mix things up we swapped partners and walked up and down the footpath. Repeatedly. From ten at night - until eight in the morning. The experienced background artistes bring their own shoes.

There was downtime between scenes. We got to hang out in the big blue double-decker Routemaster buses they arrange for the extras. There was also a mobile kitchen that provided hot meals. I got to meet some real characters - from a former maritime lawyer to a historical battle reenactment buff. People you wouldn't normally have a chance to meet. However the most memorable moment came once the shoot had finished. I spent the night swooning next to a Grace Kelly look-alike only for her to turn in to Little Britain's Vicky Pollard come home-time. Complete with pink nylon tracksuit and pineapple top ponytail. The shock was comparable to the twist in the The Crying Game.

For the filming and attending a costume fitting in Hendon - I got paid £150.00. They also gave me a retro 50's haircut - then paid me £30.00 for the pleasure.

I had an acting life of sorts before Universal Extras.

In 1995 I was one of three contestants on Blind Date with Cilla Black. I can't watch the episode without cringing and holding my face in my hands. When asked: If you could be a female profession - what would you be and why? My answer was: I'd be your babysitter so I could give you a good night kiss you'll never forget. Or something to that effect. I've tried to block it out. This is therapy of sorts. In my defence - you get less than an hour to think of your answers.

I was much better at the audition. When asked: What movie would you be and why? I said: I'll be Apollo 13 - because I'll take you to heaven and back...

Hard on the heels of Blind Date - an American friend reported that she saw my mate Jeff and I on an Episode of late-night TV show Eurotrash. We were at the Munich Bierfest. Possibly playing Twister in the bierhalls.

My acting career stalled until 2002. I was sitting in a pub when a casting crew asked to take my photo for an advertisement. They called my a few weeks later to come in for an audition. I think it was for pot noodle. Unfortunately I had just started a new job and couldn't make it.

I saw the ad on TV some time later. Police kick in the front-door of a flat to find an unshaven overweight man covered in food lying on a sofa surrounded by empty containers. At the time it would have required very little acting on my behalf. I was already in character.

With Matt Damon - it is an entirely different proposition. If I get the part - let's hope the CGI is up to scratch.