Baby Buggy Blues

Why is it that parents of small children lose all sense of social decorum, decency and courtesy in public?

I have just returned from a shopping expedition barely in one piece after being cut-up by a mad driver.

She was pushing a pram. At least I think it was a pram. It looked more like the double-decker cockpit of a helicopter gunship on wheels. It was about the same size.

It was being aggressively flown down George Street by a mother [and I mean that in both senses of the word] utterly oblivious to the mayhem created.

It almost forced me off the pavement and into the path of oncoming traffic.

It’s not the first time that this has happened to me.

The peril seems to be especially prevalent in well-to-do suburbs like Kew and Richmond. Places you might expect the locals to know better. You would think.

In shops I’m frequently gob-smacked by parents who park their mini monster-trucks at right angles across a thoroughfare and then choose to stand in whatever gap remains.

On the street, petite Chelsea-tractors are thrust into bottlenecks forcing pedestrians to step aside or get dragged under the rapidly-churning off-road wheels.

Not a thank-you, smile or nod to be heard or seen.

Two or three buggies abreast cause pedestrians to curtail their commute to take refuge on the road.

Were the results of this behaviour instigated by young men with hooded track-tops there would be a deluge of front-page headlines and ASBOs abound.

Perhaps anti-social parents should be given the benefit-of-the-doubt.

I would guess that many used to be quite pleasant and considerate.

That was until their whole world began to revolve around these wee bundles-of-joy after they came kicking-and-screaming into the universe.

Because of the abuse, many now suffer a temporary form of insanity caused by sleep depravation or a hormone imbalance.

It's either that or a variant form of the God complex.

They believe that they, and their bonny bundle, have been elevated to a Madonna-and-baby like status and the general public should part like the Red Sea in their presence.

The latter would explain why the conduct is rife in posher places.

As speed cameras and Icelandic banks fail to raise expected revenues - local authorities are on the look out for innovative new ways to relieve residents of their cash.

A pushchair congestion charge should be right-up-their-alley.
The infrastructure is already set-up with CCTV cameras on every corner [which is an issue to be discussed later].

Any buggy bigger than a smart car can attract the top tariff, while streamline versions can be exempted. Incentives can be made to use baby backpacks.

It won’t make manners - but it may minimise the menace.

NEXT WEEK - Should crying babies in public constitute a public nuisance?